steps.

i love...walking hand in hand with a brand new unsteady walker. there is such an unsteadiness, yet so much excitement in each step. he looks at everything with wonder. every step an accomplishment worthy of praise. falls are momentary and rarely devastating. sometimes he reaches for my hand. sometimes he holds so tightly and won't let go. sometimes he hurries to lead on his own. no real destination needed. the walk itself holds the hope.

I wish I could walk through my life with the abandon of Liam's first steps. That I would open my eyes and look around, and truly see that which surrounds me. That each day of living for a glorious God would be worthy enough. That the falls or gray days wouldn't destroy my spirit. That I would reach out to my Savior, hold tightly and not let go. That I would feel the freedom to be led further knowing He is present and near. That I wouldn't always need to be striving to achieve a goal. That hope comes in the journey.

Suffering

Do any of these sound familiar...

Why is this happening to me...
What else can I do to change this situation...
I am doing everything I can, why isn't it working...
Why do I deserve this...
Has God forgotten his promises to me...

God revealed something to me this weekend through a faithful man sharing his testimony at church. This man had complications at birth and flat-lined twice within the first 24 hours of his existence... leaving him with Cerebral Palsy. He shared that he went through a time of questioning why this had happened to him. Why were his siblings perfectly "healthy" when he had to suffer with this disability? He was led to John 9 where Jesus meets a blind man and his disciples asked him who sinned- this man or his parents that he would be born blind. Jesus responded ³"Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." Essentially, may his suffering be used to bring God glory.

May this suffering bring God glory.

I do not want to suffer. I do not want to embrace suffering.
I run from suffering. I want it to end. I want to control it and fix it immediately. I want to follow the steps that it will take for me to wipe that part of my life away.

I feel led to believe through this testimony and biblical truth that we are not meant to run from suffering. But should believe that God is still present even through the suffering and working- perhaps harder than ever for people to see his love for them through it.

This is not something easy to embrace. This is a hard hard truth. I can honestly say though that I feel so much more freedom hearing it. I have spent periods of life running hard and fast from things that hurt. Running is exhausting. I am preparing my heart to sit in the presence of the Lord through hard times. Attempting to not fight back. Hard to do, yes. But I saw the fruit of the choice to sit instead of run in this young man and it was unbelievable. I was in awe of his faith and the glory that IS pouring out of his life for the Lord.

So for whatever question you may have for the Lord regarding the suffering that is in your life... health, heart, relationship, or all of the above I encourage you to sit in John 9:3. I am still processing it and the reality of the rest that is available is blowing me away.

Softening

I feel so blessed to have a husband who can be so softened by the Spirit. A man who acknowledges a need for God's strength. I was so touched by his humble heart this morning as he prayed and headed off to work. My heart can be so hardened. Like soil that is dry and cracked. But the scriptures bring life to that crumbling place. Psalm 1: 2-3 begins with a picture of us meditating on the law day and night, and ends with the result of a firmly planted tree that is yielding the fruit it was made to produce. Yielding the fruit it was made to produce is what stands out so boldly to me here. I was made to carry out a plan of glory for the Father. I am so often confused as to how to get there - how to achieve the master plan of "success and perfection." The psalmist here leads us straight to the Word.

Soften your hearts today, keeping the Word on your mind, so as to hear the voice of the Father as he directs your path and makes known to you His plan of glory for your days.

Listening to: Bethany Dillon's Let Your Light Shine
Going to buy: Start Your Family
Verse for today: But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. Psalm 1:2

Transitioning

Transitioning into a new pattern of daily living has never been easy for me. Today marks the first day of being a stay at home mom with a full time working husband. We started out our marriage five years ago with great patterns, and as we now embrace these new roles, I hope that we will again implement godly patterns of living into our daily lives.

Starting out today with Psalm 1. First two words of the Psalms: How Blessed. We are immediately enticed to living a godly life with the promise of blessedness. Being blessed: the happy condition of those who revere the Lord, do His will, and put their trust in Him. Just walking with the wicked, or standing with sinners, or sitting with scoffers can be detrimental to our walk with the Lord. And any of these may seem like completely innocent actions. But as the days wear on, as patterns are created, our character begins to change along with the the trust we put in the Lord. So who are we looking to for daily wisdom and encouragement to make it through each day? The Word, People magazine, ESPN, CNN?

Day 1. Psalm 1. Be blessed by walking, standing, and sitting in the presence of our Lord.